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"Because I have a wooden HEAD!"

  • Dec. 15th, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Small girl skips off from mum. Too fast, despite her size: she’s soon way out in front. Mum bellows at her to slow down; to stop. I pass as she’s teetering on a residential speed-bump, turned back to ask a plaintive “but WHY?” Mum TOLD her she had to hurry; mum shouldn’t be so confusing. Mum fails to explain herself. I want to tell her it’s because mum is worried about her: there’s traffic to watch out for, as well as stranger danger.

But I, a lone walker, cannot convincingly explain stranger danger to a child I don’t know. Even if I don’t look like an alarming scruffbag (e.g. Steve Hughes, sorry Steve Hughes). Mind, it's the first time this week I’ve wished I could take my face off...

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Dec. 15th, 2009

  • 8:44 AM
I've already talked about Pre-Raphelite paintings here, so here is something else.
I think it's my favourite painting of all - Henri Rousseau's Tiger in a Tropical Storm (Surprised!)
It's at the National Gallery in London, and there's a picture of it here: http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/paintings/henri-rousseau-surprised

I love the naivety of it, how wild the forest looks, how foreign and strange it is. There's so much energy in it, when you see the painting in real life, there are layers of lines across the painting to show the rain lashing down.

If you would like to say what your favourite painting is, please do!

Day 01 → Your favourite song
Day 02 → Your favourite film
Day 03 → Your favourite television programme
Day 04 → Your favourite book
Day 05 → Your favourite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Prayer Day

  • Dec. 15th, 2009 at 3:00 PM
Photograph purportedly shows President Obama taking part in an "Islamic Prayer Day" observance at the White House.

A-Z of Awesomeness - G

  • Dec. 15th, 2009 at 8:28 AM
It's got to be Ghostface. The greatest soul singer of the decade. The greatest rapper of all time. Better at cut up free association than a barrowful of William Burroughs. How do I love thee Ghostface? Let me count the ways. A big, grumpy bear who would rather fuck you than shoot you, but by God, if he does have to shoot you he will. I relate to him far more than I do to yer man out of the Arcade Fire or similar.

Supreme Clientele is pretty obviously the greatest rap album of all time, it was the record that Kanye based his scratched and sped up soul blueprint on, and when my friend Ally copied it for me, it was a slightly messed up copy that I transferred to a messed up tape and the whip and bass was just blissful.

One Day I will have a solid gold eagle to wear on my arm



ADMITTEDLY this came out in the nineties, but in the 00s, Ghost played London, and when I requested he play it he asked the stragglers left after the venue had turned off the PA to sing the intro for him, and I kicked it off, and he gave me a little acknowledging nod. PLUS, this is the single greatest beat in history -




Ghost is happy to just play a Delfonics song - vinyl needle drop included - and just sing over the top of it. To enormoous effect -



If at any point I've flagged while running this decade, Ghost has picked me up -



RUN! He even makes the sound of a screeching car in this.

I like this album cover too. Jambalaya!

Song on the radio

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 11:13 PM
So I've heard this song twice and I've never been able to catch the lyrics or the name of the song and it's really beginning to drive me crazy. I've tried Googling the little bit of lyric I could recall and even tried Midomi, but all to no avail, so I'm hoping someone here will know what song I'm talking about!

I live in the Bay Area and the channel I've heard it on is 89.3 FM. (I've tried their website/playlist, but they only list their most popular songs) It's a very quiet, very haunting song sung by a girl. A lot of what I could make out in the "chorus" seemed like mumbling, but the last line in the song goes like this: "...so that we could/can fly" or "...so that we could/can die". There may or may not have been lyrics about the wind and ashes.

Please help ? It's driving me crazy. D:

Thanks so much!

Dec. 15th, 2009

  • 2:11 PM
i'm trying to think of this one movie where it's basically about a girl who doesn't belong in a small town (or something similar to that) and goes off to a larger city to try and make more money and look for opportunities, etc. in the end, something goes wrong (i'm almost sure she fell in love, and then her heart was broken) and she has to return back home. i remember the father of that girl feeling sorry for her, saying something along the lines of "poor girl.. she doesn't belong in a big city but she doesn't belong here either".

halp WWTO, can you tell me what movie i'm talking about?

Safe, Healthy, and Cheap Hair Lighteners?

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 10:05 PM
Hello! I posted in this community in October asking for advice regarding my thin, non-growing hair. Thanks to your advice, it seems much better; considerably shinier, softer and more voluminous than it used to be. I haven't seen a whole lot of growth from it yet, but I did have to trim about an inch worth of split ends after that post, so there's still hope! (Its currently tailbone length.) Anyway, at the advice of all you wonderful people;

- I switched to a sulfate-free shampoo, and no longer get raw, bleeding sores on my scalp if I don't wash my hair every other day. I can now get by with just a weekly wash.

- I added a weekly ACV rinse to my usual hair care routine, and it really cuts down on the immense amounts of oil my scalp produces, which also allows me to wash my hair less often.

- I started putting coconut oil in the last 3 inches or so of my hair after every shower, and I'm seeing a significant reduction in the number of split ends I get.

- I now put my hair up in a Gibralter bun to protect it while I'm at work, and despite the fact that my job often involves manual labor such as wrestling large dogs and scrubbing floors, the thing stays! For 10 hours! I'm stunned by this, since my hair is so perfectly straight, fine and slippery that it won't even hold most barrettes or clips for longer than a couple of hours.

Anyway, this is all wonderful, but there is still one thing that's bugging me that I'd like to ask you all about.

As one of those people who was born with golden blond hair that is steadily turning mousy brown, I ask... Is there any healthy way to lighten hair? I've heard how to darken it in natural and healthy ways, but not how to lighten it. I currently use Sun-In, and I know its extremely damaging, but I really do want to stay a blond and I don't know of any alternative that's comparable in price (I can't spare the cash for salon treatments) but not as bad for my hair. I've heard a mix of chamomile, honey and lemon juice can be effective, but I don't really know the particulars of that, or if it even works. But anyway, I'm rambling. If any of you can provide any advice on healthy hair lightening, I'd be most appreciative! Forgive me if this is a topic that's already been posted in the archives somewhere. :)
You know me by now; I'm Momus, the well-known web interpreter from the town of Bzrkyr in Upper Trilesian Osnia. To take a break from -- and freshen myself spiritually for -- my duties (studying the web, facilitating the improvement of my students' moral character, expounding the holy laws), I like to travel, and Japan has become a favourite destination. What I like about Japan is that it's different from Upper Trilesian Osnia, but not too different. Basically, today's Japanese are very much like Upper Trilesian Osnians in the 1950s.



Here I am at the "Hachiko" crossing in front of Shibuya Station. Now, a yokel would probably go crazy and dance around and say "Wow, look at the lights! Such big video screens!" But I take this crossing very much in my stride. We have a similar square in Bzrkyr with even more TV screens -- super-miniature ones the Japanese haven't even invented yet -- and even more people running around. In Bzrkyr you'd have seventeen realistic dogs yapping at your ankles rather than one lumpen statue dog sitting on a pedestal. In fact, compared to the Krsyzicnny Crossing, this place is tame and quiet; ideal for a bit of relaxation. (Give it a decade or so, though, and I expect it'll be indistinguishable from any Trilesian town.)



Ah, here's a cinema! Quaint! In Upper Trilesian Osnia we don't have these fleapits any more. We download joke videos from YouTube, household accidents, that sort of thing. If the Japanese still apparently have the attention span to sit for ninety minutes in a dark hall in a building draped with metal curtains, well, good on them, I say! They should enjoy it while they can, because -- if Upper Trilesian Osnian developments are anything to go by -- it'll soon be "curtains" for this type of entertainment.



A Trilesian also gets a good waft of nostalgia entering a place like Libro Books, in the basement of the Parco department store. Both department stores and magazines long ago disappeared from Upper Trilesian Osnia, replaced by outdoor markets and word of mouth, so this kind of place feels like a museum to us. When I took the picture above the "sales assistant" asked me what I was doing and I just chuckled. I was tempted to say: "Just wait a couple of decades, my friend! Photos like this will be the only evidence that this Libro place ever existed!" But, you know, the first law of time travel is that you're not allowed to influence the past. We have to leave it to the Japanese to discover the future in their own time, and their own way.



What could be nicer after a stressful day not-shopping (we Upper Trilesian Osnians are so over consumerism, though the Japanese are only starting to make the most tentative steps in this direction) than a cup of iced chai in a Jungle Cafe? I can't really say that without blushing a bit inside; back in the day, it's whispered, Upper Trilesian Osnia had dozens of these Jungle Cafes, places where people could escape the icy weather and indulge in fantasies of the tropics while sipping coconut juice. Later, of course, it was considered politically off-colour to talk about "the jungle" or create reductive masquerade versions of "cafes in hot places". Now in Upper Trilesian Osnia the cafes are freezing, as they bloody well ought to be. I expect Japanese cafes will be too, soon enough. In the meantime, relaxing on fantasy wicker furniture surrounded by fake jungle is, I have to confess, a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. Might as well enjoy it before the Japanese come to their senses.

This book

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 10:30 PM
I'm looking for this self help book on how to break up with a friend. I think the author was on Oprah, even but my google-fu skills are failing me! If someone can help, it is much appreciated.

computer operation

  • Dec. 15th, 2009 at 9:23 PM
My keyboard is screwed up. My question mark is an 'é'. How do I fix that again..

Tune for Tonight

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 5:18 PM

"Miss Dis" by wowlebrity Calpernia Addams. Video directed by Andrea James. Addams reminds us there's a Snuggie reference in the lyrics, to wit: "You wore a Snuggie to your prom / and you thought it looked good! / You got it from your mama / and it gave you wood!" 

Unsinkable!

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 5:05 PM

Gin and Titonic ice cubes from Fred & Friends are causing a stir....  Titanic historian crashing bore Brian Ticehurst huffs, "How long will it be before this firm makes ice cubes of the Twin Towers to commemorate 9/11?" 

worst 'daily freak show' shoot ever

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 5:04 PM

See what happened when James St. James and I stood in the rain on Saturday afternoon for over two hours, waiting for Elizabeth Taylor to arrive at the opening of her House of Taylor jewelry store in Beverly Hills. While we waited, James encountered Extra journalist (and Simon Cowell’s ex) Terri Seymour, Hercules’ Kevin Sorbo, wowlebrity Maria Conchita Alonso, Marilu Henner, Frances Fisher and a gaggle of enthusiastic Elizabeth Taylor fans. But did James, with a rumpled copy of Suddenly Last Summer in hand, finally get to meet Liz? Watch and find out…

The Chicken Man Scratches Back

  • Dec. 14th, 2009 at 3:02 PM

Back in 2004, Robert Unwin, called Chicken Man because he worked in a chicken processing factory (and sounded rather like one when he sang), laid a giant egg when he auditioned on Britain's The X Factor, Simon Cowell calling him "the worst singer I've ever heard in my life." True to his name, Unwin didn't win, and became a global anti-star, an English version of William Hung. But now, more than five years later, and with the help of Donal Coonan, the cute genius behind the UK's This Is a Knife web series, onetime producer at WOW's London office, and a bona fide wowlebrity, Chicken Man's egg has been turned into a ridiculously delicious soufflé, with the single and video "For Number One." Says Coonan of this dish: "Here's our single and music video, which, we hope, will get him to No. 1, if not at Christmas, then in the New Year. A third of any profits go to the Send a Cow charity, a third to Chicken Man himself, and a third to the blagamillion.com adventure." At top, see Robert Unwin send a Cowell into hyperbole; below, see how Chicken Man has blossomed into a fine hen indeed. It's a Christmas miracle. Guaranteed you'll love it. That Cowell just doesn't have the vision.  

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