there are SO MANY excellent things on this week it's hard to know which way to turn. i am probably not attending all these (self-inflicted whiplash / rehearsals / no money, you know....) but why don't you switch off your tv set visit one of the following:

TONIGHT!! the evil genius comedy club (here on facebook). andrew o'neill's (he's very funny you know) new night at the last days of decadence.

TOMORROW!! los quattros cvnts (except they spell it properly.) featuring the trap and michael legge. also very bluddy funny. (facebook here.)

ALSO TOMORROW!! bright club. facts and fun to do with LIGHT. see here. then go there.

WEDNESDAY!! well, spoilt for choice! you could go and see los quattros cvnts again. or you could go to tom foolery, the comedy night where all your acts are called T(H)OM. i do not have a decent link for this.

THURSDAY!! i do not have a suggestion for thursday. perhaps wash your hair, or eat some dinner.

FRIDAY!! the mighty black plastic returneth to bardens boudoir. come along (details here) and dance your socks off!

SATURDAY!! ever fancied checking out gypsy hotel? (also at bardens.) why not check it out this week. look at this line up! it features the depford beach babes! what more could you want, eh?

SUNDAY - er, make your own entertainment. i may be playing with the thames....

last time i went to a show in the shunt vaults (the one and only other time) it was soon after they'd opened as a performance space, the show was tropicana, and i loved it so much i went twice. (my (4 year old!!!) review can be found here.)

and now the vaults are closing down, to make way for trains (i suppose this is fair!) and the art / performance has been going on for years and i had failed to see any! until last night, that is.

and the space is still amazing. the company was most excellent. but it wasn't as otherworldly as before. perhaps due to overwhelmingly large numbers of people. (there was still a huge queue as i left at about 11pm.) perhaps due to the size of many of the installations (too small rooms!) leading to queueing for fun....

i did have that fun though! charley and i attempted to hijack a boat in a tunnel of balloons! i failed to walk across a wooden swing bridge! we played skittles!

i stubbornly queued longer than necessary to hear about neutrinos. PHYSICS! it was actually very interesting. i think i have learned something. and didn't smirk at the experiment being based at super k. it also explained the boat - it's a small mock up of the inside of the machine. cor. (one of the scientists introduced herself as melissa george. she was not in home and away. though she was blonde. another was yoshi. but not a green dragon. shut up now.)

and later on i stubbornly queued to get into a show set up as a family reunion - a folk opera about the history of 'our' family. and was again jolly glad i did, beautiful voices and harmonies, glowing ghostly mermaids, silliness, funniness... it went on longer than expected, when i got out and headed back to TABLE O'WINE most folk had gone... as i left i got distracted by a man hanging from the ceiling, doing exciting trapeze dance.

***

anyway, anyway. there are apparently still tickets for money floating about. i may invest.

***

drinks drunk - approximately 4 glasses red wine = 8.4 units.

***

today i am punishing myself for leaving all my tupperware at work by having a cuppasoup for lunch instead of delicious quiche. idiot.

this is the show at the albert & pearl i saw a preview of a couple of weeks ago. i can confirm that it was bl00dy good indeed, and featured all the acts mentioned on the flyer. six o'clock swill in particular was in fact AMAZING and worth the entrance fee alone.

(i probably won't make it seeing as it's my only night in that week... argh.)

***

also, if you like pop music, and don't know about it already, get thee to DON'T STOP MOVING this saturday for most excellent tunes and dancing.

(it is a madonna special, please do not attend if your name is mark manning.)

london was perfect last night. crisp and cold, with the smell of explosives hanging on every corner.

things that are excellent:

♥ hanging with friends
♥ sushi. especially if mined with wasabi.
♥ pickled ginger. i think i may buy some for snacking.
♥ throwing fireworks around in a fashion that would have public safety films crying.

d got into a ruckus at the bus stop last night, apparently, and has coke all down his jacket. i don't remember this. ( 1x bottle rose, half a 35cl bottle of whisky = 17.13 units)

whoops

"The shoe collection Jimmy Choo for H&M are available in ladies
european size 36-40 and men size 41-45, all shoes from the collection
runs true to size."

my feet are bigger than a 6 1/2! no fair! there is a dress i kinda fancy....

yesterday i had spicy cabbage porridge again. this time with added chopped up sausages.

not as good as with egg, is my opinion.

***

no porridge today, i shall be eating lovingly prepared leftover fajitas. nom!

well, no one managed to guess my porridgey delight today, but there are some tempting suggestions for future experiments!

today, i had DA DA DAAAAH:

porridge with hardboiled eggs, spicy cabbage and 1x cherry tomato.

verdict?

cherry tomato unnecessary, i knew this, but it was the last in the pack and NEEDED EATING.

very tasty indeed.

probably because cabbage and egg are not completely unknown curry-esque bedfellows, and the porridge is vaguely similar to rice.

i will most likely eat this again.

WIN!

i had a moment earlier, around lunchtime, when i realised i had done absolutely naff all all morning. yet the morning had vanished completely.

i've just done that all afternoon.

is this the way hangovers work these days? vagueness and waste? i'm not sure, but i think i prefer the nausea and pounding head.

well, do you know, i couldn't be bothered to get up early enough to make myself a sarnie for lunch this morning.

i *could* be bothered, however, to grab an egg, some cherry tomatoes and a couple of sachets of brown sauce.

PORRIDGE!

a bit of a failure, actually. i 'cooked' (read microwaved) the porridge until it was done. i beat the egg, and then added it and the tomatoes, hoping the heat of the porridge would cook it through. which *kind of* seemed to happen. so i whacked it back in the machine for some more seconds.

verdict?

hmmmm. very hmmmmm. egg and porridge is not hugely flavoursome. it does make the porridge taste lighter and fluffier. tomatoes are nice, but more flavour is needed. perhaps if i had some crispy bacon, or frazzles, it would have worked better.

i threw in the brown sauce to make it more palatable.

i'm not sure i'll be trying this one again. at least not in the same fashion.

well, the month may not quite be over yet, but oh dear, plummet in days of sobriety.

10 days this month. not including today, as i shall be drinking free work booze later.

[insert pic of kanye somewhere here]

look away if you don't like porridge.

porridge is BACK!!!!

i didn't know what to do for today's experiment. until i ran into d, about to do the shopping i was going to do, and saw crabsticks for a quid. uh huh, i went there.

laydeezungennulmen, i give you: crabstick and courgette porridge.

no real thought behind this apart from aforementioned purchase, and veg in the fridge that needed eating up.

verdict? i like the crabsticks and porridge. not sure about the courgettes. it needed something with a bit more PUNCH. (i threw in a bit of sachet ketchup, which worked, but then when does ketchup *not* work?)

i will be trying this further next week. i have to. i have to eat up the fishcrabsticks. yes, i like them in my mouth.

***

my colleague came into the kitchen as i was preparing my feast. "mmmm, that smells good, what is it?" were his words. i told him he didn't want to know. he pressed the issue. i confessed. he was NOT disgusted, reckoned it was more like risotto than anything else. VINDICATED.

***

no carb crash / desk snooze so far. WIN.

***

i am still working my way through stef's cast off books.

haruki murakami - after dark. liked this a lot. nothing much seems to happen, it isn't going anywhere, but instead of frustrating me it left me feeling sated, i'd grasped that moment in time completely.

kurt vonnegut - god bless you, mr rosewater. meh, quite good. that's all.

i'm currently reading invisible monsters (palahniuk) and absolutely blinking loving it.

RIGHT.

it has come to that point.

bit skint, spending TOO MUCH on daily luncheon.

ridiculously embarrassing CARB CRASH = sleeping on my keyboard. every time.

chill in the air.

yep, i think it's time to resurrect the great porridge experiment.

technology, it hates me. waging a silent, slightly irritating war.

i have a two alarm morning set up. one that lives on my bedside table goes off about 6.30am. i turn it immediately off, but am roused enough to not ignore the second one. the second one is my mobile. my mobile hates me. it goes of at 7.15. i hit snooze for 9 minutes. it goes off again. i hit snooze for another 9 minutes. it goes off again. i get up.

this system has done me well for blinking ages. until this morning. where, i would argue, my mobile refused to go off at all. d would argue perhaps, that he heard it go off, heard me turn it off. he would be WRONG.

i was late today, by 20 minutes, another rare event. about a year or so ago i was repeatedly at least 40 minutes late and DIDN'T CARE.

***

my phone has also learnt another thing. i am Quite Good with keylock, because of accidental messaging. and even have handy fake names to stop me messaging alexes and zaras and the like.

if i open the camera lens cover, mind, all bets are off. which is handy for spur of the moment photos. but IT NOW KNOWS it can send junk picture messages. and does so.

***

i don't trust technology.

***

bestival tomorrow. guess who isn't ready?

to do tonight:
- purchase supplies.
- decant booze into plastic.
- finish some sewing.
- DO ALL THE PACKING.
- sleep at a sensible hour.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

***

finished The Shield last night. shane is still a DICK. poor ronnie. etc etc. WHAT TO DO NOW? i have started watching Sons of Anarchy, which is about a biker gang, purely because Dutch is in it. it's not the same.

oh yeah, and the final booze total for august = 16 days not drinking! well done me. i do feel a *little* antisocial at the moment though...

seriously though, how much of a DICK is shane?

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and you usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous. At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

bossy, inappropriate and loud definitely!

today has been a good day.

well seeing as some HILAROUS person threw away ONE of my wellies at sonisphere, and i lost my cag-in-a-bag myself, i really should get some new waterproofs before bestival. JUST IN CASE. i already have star covered wellies on order, but am umm-ing and ahh-ing over waterproofs.

choose for me please? the poll is below.

important facts:

NOBODY can be miserable in a poncho. certainly i can't.
i am pretty skint at the mo so cheap is good.
black is my preferred colour.

OH LOOK each option fits one of the above.

Poll #1446270 waterproofs!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 24

what sounds best?

the other thing is.....

(ahahahaha typing out the prices at the end of things there made me feel like marek klang's tracey emin. ahahahahah.)

today i shall be attempting to catch up with myself. so so lazy right now. ack.

***

friday
♥ v movie at canal 125!
♥ cloakroom duties.
♥ ALL THE BEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD EVER. honest.
♥ awesome decs and lights really giving the place some atmosphere.
♥ much dancing. either in the cloakroom or on the floor.
♥ much nattering.
♥ a very chatty random local young man, insistent on sharing very good shopping.
♥ 'you should be a glamour model'. oh dear oh dear. meant well. but really.
♥ attempt at early night ruined by temporary prescence at stuart's. whoops.

***

saturday
♥ up early. well, early for a saturday.
♥ to meet pink emma and head to sonisphere!!!! at knebworth.
♥ tedious shuttle bus queue and tent sorting mean we hit the festival proper about 1.45.
♥ what a bloody organised fest it is! two main stages are opposite each other and run alternate bands - THE METAL NEVER STOPS AND YOU CAN SEE IT ALL. AMAZING. the loos are somehow kept almost delightful at ALL TIMES. the ground, despite downpour, remains minimally muddy. it is GREAT.
♥ though we are somewhat disturbed by the lack of a)ACTUAL tattooists and b)crazy drinking.
♥ taking back sunday are a bit rub.
♥ there is a guitarhero-karaoke stage full of losers.
♥ we catch the last song of bjorn again and i am gutted.
♥ in the tent there are a band called glamour of the kill who i must remember to investigate further.
♥ anthrax are great....
♥ but not as great as the STUNT MOTOCROSS which has me squealing like a girl.
♥ coheed and cambria are not there, so apparently we listened to fact instead. meh.
♥ the used have me screaming obscenities towards the stage whilst waiting for tasty cider. rub-bish.
♥ heaven and hell don't take our fancy either (sorry mr iommi!) for which we are roundly chastised by strangers later.
♥ the heavens open! but it's still warm. and it's only rain. sexy cagoule times!
♥ airbourne are totally awesome (in the rain!) but clearly want to be ac/dc.
♥ young guns are tiny children from wycombe on the tiny wee stage but they are jolly good and we watch 'em (in the rain!) til they finish.
♥ oceansize are another one to investigate.
♥ we 'listen' to linkin park from back at the tents.
♥ on the way back in there is a woman rolling around in the mud about to have sex with a man. we point and laugh. security point and stop. somehow she regains some sort of 'dignity' and refuses to get up with her vag on show to the world. security surround her so she can get up. we cherish the thought that we are never as badly behaved as that.
♥ attempt to see thunder in the small tent. they won't let anyone in. despite me counting people 100+ coming out. emma gives up. a man starts to try and start a riot. security stamp on my toes.
♥ but i get in for the wildhearts, hurrah!
♥ but i am OLD, father william, and can barely keep my eyes open. seriously. even drunk i can usually wake myself up for a band i like. find myself nodding off on my feet. so decide to do so safely on the floor at the back. oh dear.
♥ back to tent and am unconscious in seconds.

***

sunday
♥ sunny all day, hurrah!
♥ invest in a red cowboy hat.
♥ arrive in arena, meet some of emma's friends and catch the (awesome) end of buckcherry.
♥ get filmed for bbc4.
♥ mostly sit at the back and natter through paradise lost - the sound was pretty poor for them unfortunately.
♥ killing joke are f'cking excellent. only distraction being a very pretty boy close in front of us. ahem.
♥ i don't remember much of saxon, but do remember we start talking in a screetchy ROCK way for kicks.
♥ lamb of god are jolly good too, for some reason they sound heavier when sitting on the ground, hrrrm.
♥ i think we may have been wandering for mastodon, or talking to randoms.
♥ machine head!!! rob flynn cries like a girl. but MACHINE HEAD.
♥ meet up with ben and his chums. avoid feeder.
♥ drink. herbal highs. taste like joss-sticks. hrrrm.
♥ sit down and listen to limp bizkit going down like a lead balloon, interspersed with the occasional good song.
♥ alice in chains are pretty good, but i have wandering feet.
♥ nine inch nails!!! i really wanted to see nin, and indeed, i remember being down the front. and trent's rather large neck. and not much else. WHAT HAPPENED? this is the beginning of the vague.
♥ similarly, metallica. indeed, my memories are mixed up with hearing "one" by various bands of small children on the karaoke stage.
♥ seriously, the two bands i REALLY REALLY wanted to see. IDIOT.
♥ and that's it for memory of sunday, really. i tried to go and see some comedy. there wasn't any. just a Very Insistent Man who wouldn't take no for an answer. 'came to' in my tent, emma similarly, to find a party going on outside. did we bring them there? WHO KNOWS.

***

monday
♥ the party was still going on as we packed up the tents. eventually just one hippy-wheelbarrow-man-dressed-as-captain-america-with-a-chicken-head was left. he gave us some random shopping he'd been donated by a stranger. we took it, merrily.
♥ shuttle bus queue was farcical. taxis were £2.50 each. seriously, queueing fools, WHY?
♥ managed to go home and leave emma to her own devices (locked out, see. i just lost my cagoule and a singular welly.) whilst i hopped in the shower and went to work. it was an interesting afternoon, i'll tell you that.

***

anyway, yes, i can highly recommend sonisphere! top organisation. top music. on a train from MY HOUSE. the only thing i regret is my unlikely amnesia, and not seeing enough of cob_web and all the bristol people i'd wanted to see in the first place.

most embarrasing things i did?
♥ wore my cagoule.
♥ took herbal highs.
♥ indie cardigan - this does not count.
♥ collected cups for a few quid. hehehe.

***

( set lists for the sake of completion. i think i am getting vague memories of some of this! )

so.....

who does one complain to when whinging at royal mail? anyone know? too many characters for the website form. not that i trust it to do anything anyway.

it'd clearly have to be the stars and stripes. i wouldn't want anyone to think i was a bottom. and wanted fisting.

IS THAT WHAT BRUCE WAS SAYING ALL ALONG?